I am weak!

So this week has been rather discouraging, well the
last few weeks in fact. Living with a bunch of people
one learns a lot about ones self. Things maybe one did
not really want to know. It has almost felt like there
has been a magnifying glass over me to point out all
my faults, big and small. I could feel the suns beaming, I could not hide and it was starting to burn.

Sure we all have faults, but when all of your
faults are being jabbed at, all at once, you have to
choose to either sit in a corner and let it get to
you, or press on and work through them, instead of sitting in the conner. (if you sit in water you get wet, if you stay seated you stay wet).

Yet discouraged as I felt, I want to do so much and be
the woman Ad-nai made me to be; but I felt as if I had
to work through all the issues ( there’s more then I
ever wanted to know) before I can be used effectively,
then I was reminded when Yeshua says that He will use
the weak and the poor. I guess I have always heard
that and thought that’s so cool that YHWH will use the
weak, but I never really applied it to myself; and
well this week was so reassuring because I found out
the most amazing thing about myself; I am weak (and
poor as well). So instead of feeling down on myself I
can rejoice in my weakness because Ad-nai can use me,
and the weaker I am the more it glorify s Him.

So I am weak and happy about that.

slowing down

I use to be a go, go girl need to get things done and NOW, FAST, FAST want to hurry up and get to Jr high then high school get a car and job, move out,
and now I am in a another country, I am a NOW person when it comes to big things but little things they just sit and wait, but rush on the big things.  I am leaving the little things that are important, undone, waiting.  I always say its the little things in life, but I guess I don’t hold that true to my whole life.

Now that I have rushed a good part of my life away I am ready to slow down and live, spend time with Ad-nai and rest in Him, oh what a wondrous thing.

the next thing one the life calendar would be go to college or something, get married.   Why do I feel like getting married is the start of my life I find myself saying I’ll do….. once I get married and then…. But my life is right here, right now.  What I do with this time I have now is what matters not worrying about whats next, just living.  I will get married when I do, when the time is right.  I need not worry about it now, My life started 18 years ago and it has not stopped.

I no longer want to be the when girl like when i am 18. I will …and when I am married I will ..and when…. I want to be the now girl.
why do I need to wait till I get married to do things, if I even end up getting married. I am finding that I don’t need to make things more complicated then they all ready are, in fact I have found I can simplify things down.

So I will slow down and enjoy now for now.

“Do you turst me?”

            Trust in the L-rd and lean not on your own understanding.

That has been the theme for my life.

Trust- every time I hear that word I think of Aladdin and the part when the guards were chasing them and they were at a dead end, only way out was a window like 3 stories up, Aladdin looks at Jasmine who is full of fear and uncertainty, and says “do you trust me?”

with hesitation she said “yes” and they jumped, after a rather long fall they land safely
on the ground. I feel like thats what Ad-nai is asking me, “do you trust me?” and like Jasmine with hesation but certainty I say “yes” so far in my life every time I have said yes I have landed safely, even when there was a long drop, but everytime I said no and went my own way I ended up face down on the ground using the strength I had left just to pick me up again.

Is that not what life is all , jumping into Ad-nai and landing where you land and just trusting that you land where you are to be?

So right now I am in the middle of my jump just waiting to see where I land, and not leaning on my own understanding

nope nope
Just Trusting in the L-rd.

Sharing My Heart

There is so much Ad-nai has put in my heart and has been teaching me that I think it is unfair to not share with you all. pulse my heart is not to keep it all to myself but to open up to everyone that would like to hear. If you want to add to what I say or have a question then feel free my heart is open, I might not agree but I will listen.