being broken down for a love so much bigger and greater then comprehension

This I believe…

This is a piece that I wrote last year in school, I just came across it 
and thought I would share it.

The room is starting to spin.  People’s appearances are slowing fading,  heart beating, body sweating, feet moving, arms stretching.  Noise and judgment of the room dims as I enter a place where there’s an overwhelming feeling of my daddy smiling upon me.  A place where no one can hurt me, where I am strong and ready to fight. When I am dancing, not for the style or technique, but for the feeling, the rush of blood circulating quickly flowing all over my body as my lungs expand and contract, with my heart beating faster and faster, I feel free.  When I am singing, and I mean really singing, like with eyes closed and heart wide open, not caring how loud I am singing or who hears, I am free. The whole world seems to disappear and all that matters is I sing what I feel, or dance my expiration.  When I completely let go, when I am only aware of the world in my subconscious mind, when I’m not holding back, when I am giving singing or dancing all I’ve got.  That’s when I feel free, truly free.  When I shut the world out so that I don’t care whether dancing in my room with the door shut or in a room with tons of people looking at me like I’m crazy.  When I stop caring about what people think, that’s when I feel truly free.

Many people say that the government takes away our freedom, that school takes away our creative expression, that parents take away what we should be experiencing from life.  I believe that, true, undeniable freedom comes from within.  The freedom to not care.  I feel the we are bound by feeling as though we need to look a particular way, act a certain way, or just be a certain way.  So we set up all these rules to help us live up to whatever it is to fit in, to live that “status quo” that everyone seems to strive for, believing that when they reach it they will be happy and if they are happy, they will have freedom.  In truth, we are just taking away our very beings, focusing our energy on the outside picture, walking on tip toes, hoping that people will notice us, but that we won’t offend anyone. When I can let my pen hit the page and leak out my inner most deepest feelings and not worry about what others will think or whether I offend anyone, that’s when I feel free; When things can be heard like seen in my head; when my mind feels open and my heart can say whatever it feels.  That’s what I believe is freedom.








One response

  1. Emily Saylor

    Woooowwwww Carlene. You are an incredible writer. Did you know that? Honestly, I REALLY enjoyed reading this, and am so impressed! Seriously, there’s no question in my mind, you could be published… easily!

    Your word choices take the reader all over the place, much more than just communicate something, you express a profounder story.

    Wowwww. Thank you for sharing this piece!

    Tuesday, 6, May, 08 at 22:10

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