being broken down for a love so much bigger and greater then comprehension


Last year in Israel I started this blog, I decided to start a new one for several reasons, I was going to have one for travels and then one for personal, but I decided to have it all in one because the point of having a blog was not just to update everyone that wants to know whats going on, but the purpose was to share my heart with anyone that would like to see.
For so long I have felt the need to keep my thoughts and feeling inside of me and not really share them, but I have learned that knowing others are going through the same thing is so reassuring, so I am here to say your not alone, and its also a great way to share about the awesome things of G-d. The blog is also a really good way for me to process everything that goes on in my life.
The title
now some of you might think oh that’s a creative title or have been wondering why I would name it ruined by love when love heals.
Now that’s true, love does heal when nothing else can, and I have seen that more then ever at Ruel, these kids are dying sometimes when they come in, and you might not know how to help them, but if you love them they start coming to life, no medication, no training, but love.  (yes, we do use some meds when we need to,but I am saying if you couldn’t, love can help bring some of these kids back from the darkness they seem to be in, a lot of them give up, cus its so hopeless) I said all that to say that love does heal.
But real love, true unconditional love, that never stops, ruins ones being completely.
In the middle of last year, a few months before I left for Israel, I asked G-d to show me His love, to unravel my understanding and to ruin me with His perfect love, because I know it’s nothing like the love this world has destroyed, its pure and perfect, just the way He wanted it.
It started in Israel, my heart felt like it was being ripped out of my chest, I spent nights crying wondering why I felt this way, my heart was being broken.  I felt ruined like I had nothing left inside of me to give, that’s when G-d said, ok now reach out. I shook my head and said I have nothing left I’m empty I cant do anything for anyone.  It was almost like G-d grinned and said maybe not, but I can.
I have learned that when we feel the most broken thats when G-d chooses to use us, it brings glory to His name. Because everyone can see that its not coming from with in ourselves. 

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