being broken down for a love so much bigger and greater then comprehension

She stands there

This little girl stands in front of me

holding a teddy bear,

her face is

white

toffee

black

no facial expression there

her feet are bare and bloody

dirt covers her whole body

she looks so small and fragile

her skin is thinly wrapped around her bones

as if she has no muscle tissue

she has scars and bruises and open wounds on her arms

scabbed over, encrusted, pussing greenness forming around them

I wonder why she does not cry

Her eyes are

Slanted

round

almond shaped

they are

blue

brown

green

red

black

circles form around them

she looks so tired and weak

yet she stands

she makes me feel uncomfortable

I want to yell

WHAT DO YOU WANT

But she is just a torn little

Asian

African

Middle eastern girl

I feel as if I should hug her

But something says I can’t

I want to love her

But part of me does not care

And would be ok

Just walking away to leave her there

Something in me breaks

For I don’t want to feel that way

I can hear whispers quiet, quiet whispers

From children saying

love me

love me

I fall to the ground covering my ears

love me

love me

Is all I can hear being carried though the wind

I rock back and fourth in the dirt shaking my head

love me

love me

love me

love me

love me

all different childrens’ voices ringing in my ears

I look up to the sky and yell I can’t

Silence

In front of me the little girl stands

I look at her

I can’t love you

I cry and rock

I can’t love you

I put my head to my knee

Look back at her and say

I don’t know how

 

I don’t understand pain

The way you do

I don’t know hate like you do

I could hug you and give you my all

but that would be out of shame and guilt

shame that you are hurting and no one cares

and guilt that I don’t see you the same way I see myself

guilt that I can’t look at you and say how lovely is she

that’s not love, thats selfishness

you have had enough of that in your life

I don’t know how to love.

She still stands there

I look up and yell

WHY IS SHE STANDING HERE,

I cry

WHAT DO YOU WANT OF ME?

I can not feel her pain

I do not know real pain

I am just a complainer when I look at her

This beautiful girl left out to die

Looking in to her eyes tells me I don’t know the meaning of

pain

turmoil

distress

unloved

miss treated

My heart breaks

I WANT TO LOVE HER

I shout I WANT TO LOVE HER

I wont turn away

I cant turn away

I look into this little girls face

Can you teach me how to love

I engulf her in my arms

Tons of children run all around us

there is noise and laughter, I hug and kiss each one.

I stand up, we are walking now

As I walk with this little girl in my hands

I see little girls and boys lining the street

Hundreds of them

standing there

Looking at me

They are dirty and bloody and torn

All I see is lovely

I take a breath as say I will not walk away

I can’t walk away.

 

Advertisements

2 responses

  1. dawn m

    i remember how many times you had this dream…

    Monday, 8, September, 08 at 02:18

  2. Annita

    That is so beautiful. It’s so beautiful how God works in our hearts, and breaks us down until He can build us up the way He wants us to be. I’m praying for you.

    Sunday, 21, September, 08 at 05:51

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s