being broken down for a love so much bigger and greater then comprehension

Gone with yesterday

Life is never quite what it seems, and when you think you got one more day you might be wrong, see life is such a fragile thing, so don’t take it lightly. And a child’s life is even more fragile because its in someone else’s care, they cant feed them self’s or wash them self’s, they don’t know not play with fire. They cant give themselves medica or get a blanket. When they are lying there helpless, that just what they are helpless, waiting for you to help them, to be with them. Life is never what it seems, it might even feel like a dream, we always say tomorrow but tomorrow might never come.  We put life’s on the line, to later because now is always being wasted.

 

I held her in my arms I could feel the warm of her body threw my cloths as I tried to comfort her. I new she wanted to cry but was too weak, just like that her eyes were sunken her lungs were breathless her pulse was pulseless, no CPR or medicine could help her now, it was too late. Because tomorrow did not come.

 

Sleeplessness restlessness, I tossed and turned. I could hear voices, I thought about going up to see if everything was ok. But I thought, no they have it under control. Knock on the door, the news came to me, threw sleepy eyes, I was hoping that I miss understood what was being told to me, I quickly threw on pants and walked out the door to next door, up the stairs, I was not really sure what to do now, I paced the floor. Not really sure what to do. Then the door opened and there she was in Pauline’s hands raped in a white sheet. I went to go find nice cloths, I felt helpless, her little face. Her little legs, her little life.  So many thoughts going threw my head. I could not help but think if I did something wrong, what if I was there today, what if I just stayed there that night, but really what good would playing the what if game do now?  It was what it was there was no going back no shutting down just going forward.  Pauline was doing everything that needed to be done as she was about to run out the door to look for coffins at 12am I grabbed her and held her in my arms. She then looked at me and said I am glad you are here. That right there, that made it all worth it. I was asking G-d why, why am I here, To see a fragile life pass by in this life? That moment if that was the only reason why I have been here the last few weeks then, it was all worth it, I keep saying that I here for the babies maybe its more then that.

 

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