being broken down for a love so much bigger and greater then comprehension

growing up to fast

As we walked up the hill i tried to keep my excitement in and really prepared my heart  for what i might see. after about 5 mins of walking through roosters  and their little houses; we got to what looked like a big falling apart  gazebo. there a little boy wearing a big oversized T-shirt that  hung past his ankles standing there. I looked around and there came another little boy who’s face was covered in dirt, they stood there, my arms went out ready for an embrace but they didn’t come. they stood there, their once smiling faces appeared older. My heart broke, over the last few weeks i had come to know and love these boys and everyday i walked in the Orphanage they would come running in for a hug, and want to cuddle and play, but now they stood there, no smiles. it is now rare to see any kind of happiness in the eyes of this 6 year old that has been forced to grow up way too fast and has forgotten how to be a kid. His child hood years of playing with blocks and running around have come to an end. now he must help watch his brother and sister and help his father with his job so they can rice on the table at least once a day, and maybe some candy that week. the little boy that would run to me every time i walked in the door to have a hug and to say hi, is now hesitant to trust anyone. he has to help his brother be strong and no longer has time to play the air guitar  for hours.  my heart felt like it was ripped out and stomped on the dirt floor of that hut, (if you could even call where they were living a hut) what hurt more was there was nothing i could do about it, they were home now, their parents were trying to take care of them and wanted to learn how to love them. 

After giving them some food and sugar they seemed to be a little more active but i could tell it was only cus i was coaxing it out of them. i wanted to scoop them up and take them home with me. the reality of life here breaks my heart every sec of the day.


One response

  1. Annita

    wow…i don’t even know what to say. it breaks my heart to know that this is how so many people live…without hope for this life…
    i am praying that they will discover the hope they can have in Christ and the beauty of that hope despite their horrible surroundings. And i am praying that God would continue to teach you and give you strength. I can’t wait to hear more about your trip! and i’m very glad you’re blogging because it is a real blessing to hear of the work God is doing in your life and in the lives of those around you! 🙂

    Sunday, 21, September, 08 at 06:02

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