being broken down for a love so much bigger and greater then comprehension

Closed of

                                                                          Written 9 May, 2008

                                                                          Time in Israel 


   So often I find myself closed off, like I shut myself off, or I just sit there and don’t share myself. I didn’t realise how much I don’t let people in until I lived in a house of 17 people.

Out of all the challenges we faced being in a different culture, a new country with new languages… living together with 17 people for 3 months, and then 4 people for 2 months; was by far the biggest challenge for me. Why?

There was no where to hide and I felt like I was vunerable and exposed. I didn’t want anyone to see the real me. I disconnected myself, I was there but, really not. Durning the first 3 months we were taking classes and we all needed time alone to deal with issues that Ad-nai was revealing to us in that time. Then it came to outreach and it was time to work as a team; if I didn’t open up how could I possibly help the team.

I felt so ripped open already, if I put myself out there I might get ripped open again, by hiding myself and not sharing me I jipped the team and the people we were reaching out to. By hiding myself I was hiding the the piece of El-him that has been placed inside of me.

Who am I to keep the world from seeing images of our Creator? If I kept myself closed off, then no one would see that piece of Him.

In a world of so many people trying so hard not to be themselves, we lose the image of El-him.

By hiding ourselves from people, it that not rejecting ourselves?and by rejecting ourselves are we not rejecting the creation of the Creator.

In a world that rejects G-d I guess it makes sence to reject His creation too.


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