being broken down for a love so much bigger and greater then comprehension

I am where?

Written June 16th

As I write this I find myself on a plane heading to Haiti. When I was told I was going to Haiti 3 days ago it didn’t really hit me then and still hasn’t hit me now. (I am going where? How did that happen?) People have been asking me if I’m ‘ready’, if I’m ‘excited’, regardless of those things…here I am on a plane. I think sometimes we feel like to do the works of G-d we have to go to trainings and have months to get ready, prepared and of course we need to be excited because if we are not then it can’t be the will of G-d. Can anyone say Jonah? (I’ll leave that for another post). Don’t get me wrong I am excited but really more content then anything,. I am at peace but find myself asking should I really be on the plane, what am i doing here.  That dose not mean I don’t want to be here, but really what good can I do.  I don’t understand Him but I don’t have to understand or even agree with Him to be obedient. As far as feeling ready, dose that really matter what I feel, G-d said get on that plane well in fact G-d use my Rabbi to tell me that, but there has been many times where I thought I was ready and boy was I wrong and then there was times when I couldn’t of felt less prepared and those are the times I have seen G-d awesomeness the most, because I look to Him and not myself.  I have found it is more important to stay humble then be ‘ready’ whatever that really means anyway.  So I don’t know what I am doing here or if I am ‘ready’ for whatever I am about to face but my heart  is open with G-d’s passion written on it, and I am letting go of anything I might have to give so that He can give what is really needed.

G-d uses us when we’re willing and open, not when were ready..

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